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We never have enough men. Everyone laughs at us – the IRA, the RUC, the protestants, the Catholics. We never do anything right. We are too little too late. And now Riley is dying – this big 40-year-old man gutshot and I’m just a kid. It could have been me but it’s not and I don’t want to be gutshot either. Through and through in the upper arm maybe . . . a no-boner in the fleshy part of the thigh . . . perhaps a little side-shot – like a modern version of a Heidelberg saber scar. All honorable service. Riley won’t get a medal for this. We’re not fucking green berets with purple hearts flowing out of our asses. This is a hard army. You don’t get medals for nothing in this army. Riley didn’t do anything heroic and that’s the nub of us. We’re anti-heroes. We are anti-Gung Ho. The last thing we care about is heroism. All we do heroism-wise is drag a wounded comrade off the street. The rest is all fear. We crawl from house to house, hearts beating, bowels loose, sweating till we stink. "Jimmy!" She screamed, not in pain thankfully, but only in fear. "Jimmy where are you?"But I was too busy to answer. Unconsciously I began blocking the blows and fighting back. Have you ever fought in the dark? Blind and alone, unsure of where the next blow will come from or where it will land? From somewhere a blow struck my head, pain sending fireworks before my eyes, and I fell to my knees. Instantly a weight landed on my back and hands seemed to close around my throat, squeezing until I couldn't breathe.I was getting weaker by the second, but then Lizzy's voice came again from the darkness, "Jimmy! Jimmy! I can't see you! I need light so I can find her."Her? Who couldn't she find? I could barely breathe, how did she expect me to ... Shannon! Finally I remembered, whatever else this was, it was a dream. A very strange dream, but still a dream, this was my world damn it! With a thought I shrugged the weight off and surged to my feet. Light flared out from me and the darkness.
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